THE LAST GOOD-BYE...

We spent a good part of yesterday with Wills family. A wonderful feast and people hugging one another. I saw the remarkable progress on the home Nyna and Eldon bought only two year's ago as they hosted an event that brought William together with his sisters Nyna, Marilyn and Mary. We know Nyna and Eldon best and have become good friends of theirs...Although we only live across town from them, we don't see them as often as we should, since life is always getting in the way.

I was a little surprised to see that the little girl of Marilyn's "Katherine", was such a young lady now, and remember our family spending Thanksgiving with them at Will and Wendys home on South Jacob in the back house....and now there is a new little 'guy' Marilyn was fussing over who is about Ean's age. On the surface, it appeared like dozens of family 'get togethers' we've had over the years.

As people talked in quiet and respectful tones, a video was playing on the television of a little guy about eleven (Number 24) completely absorbed playing in a football game, there were quite a few on his team (and the other team) who were taller...but no one was showing more 'heart' than this little guy. Our teens; Jordan, Ashleigh, & Jon along with Katherine, were in the back room playing pool as the kids congregate together anytime there is a family event.

It seemed odd to me to see Mary's 'ex-husband' Bruce, busy in the kitchen preparing a great salad and serving as a 'chef' right along with Mary's sister Nyna.. who had been cooking her heart out for a few days. It felt odd because Allen and I only know her current husband, Joe who is an easy going kindly, likeable guy with a lot of God in his heart...and we've only seen him off kilter once before because he has such a gentle nature. Two husbands in a room is always sort of odd, isn't it?

...and then there was Mary. Everyone knows Mary as a past National Line Dancing Champion and now a teacher of it, and of all of William's family (besides Will) Mary has always impressed me as the most gregarious and outgoing of the brood I've met so far. She has that great big smile that can light up a room, and she draws people to her with what Allen and I now call that 'Rudy charm'...they all have it, but Mary seems to have an extra share of family concerns.

She's always ends up the mediator in any family squabble it seems.

Her normally good natured and sunshine disposition was missing something that day, as her eyes welled with tears on and off during the day and several times she struggled to keep her composure. "I'm OK," she assured others now and then, probably trying to put them at ease. That would be Mary.

Still, it was easy to see that A deep, soul piercing sadness engulfed her and one did not have to search her eyes for long to know she was suffering the deepest and most profound pain any human being can experience in their lifetime.

We were there to say 'The Last Good-Bye' in Celebration and Memorial of Mary's just 26 year old son, Christopher Tallman.

As stories of his life unfolded, it was easy for any mother to relate to the hopes and dreams we all have for our children from the moment of birth. The overwhelming responsibility we feel in our lacking attempts to nurture them and prepare them for the world they will one day inherit.

Those first steps, the first day of school, their antics and antidotes that are repeated so many times throughout their lives as family folklore, their challenges, their successes and their defeats. The joy they bring, the worry they give us, the laughs and the tears. Our Children are the central focus of our lives, and no other relationship can compete with the forever, no matter what happens, love of a mother for her child.

Even as Christ died on the cross friendless and abandoned by even his most trusted disciples, his mother was there. A mother is always there, alwaying loving, always hopeful, always waiting, always advising, scolding, reprimanding, warning and always cheering for and praying for her child's tomorrows, no matter what the trouble... no matter what the season. Neither time, nor distance, nor age, nor pain, nor circumstances can ever change a child's daily presence in a mother's life.

Christopher's life was cut short in Reno, Nevada on Tuesday, February 7, 2006

when a routine visit to a Probation Officer went horribly wrong and ending his life with one bullet fired to Christopher's head and three bullets into his chest. His last conversation with his Mom just a few weeks before was full of hope, and of God, and of his struggle to take care of the wreckage of the past, and his pride that he was getting all the fines, and consequences of his arrest behind him.

It was a 'wreckage' that began with his arrest for use of Methanphetimein (METH)

here in Oregon

less than a year ago.

He was working as a Cab Driver in Reno, where his peers called him responsible, funny and a pleasure to work with. Part of the Rudy Family lives in Reno so he was among some family too. He still had his Cab Driver ID tags on as he lay on the floor in that Government building letting out his last breath of life, among strangers.

There is significant confusion about what 'exactly' happened during that altercation, but the results are clearly defined as far as Christopher is concerned. No one may ever know what went wrong in that room with no camera to serve as witness,

but one Mother knows her child is forever taken from this earth.

...but the way to his death began long before the bullets were fired, the dust settled and the cremated remains of this young man adorned a little table in a warm cozy home, surrounded by photos celebrating his life...with Family gathered around to share the Last Good-Bye and awaiting the scattering of his ashes on the pristine beach he so loved.

...but, the pathway to his grave began way before then.

It began with one moment's cavalier decision to use drugs as a way to enjoy life more, or self medicate the feelings and emotions a teenager experiences on their way to adulthood , the single most thing leading to his eventual death started with

his introduction to the intoxicating allurement of "METH'.

'Meth' provides all the 'emotional strength and control' any teenager might seek. It's high is one of great euphoria that instills it's user with supreme confidence, illusions of greatness, and a sense of well being that no teenager has or feels without it naturally. Teens struggle though those years with mood swings and personality changes that have baffled parents forever but they can easily become 'superheros' in their own minds...with just one simple and complusive 'try' of the drug offered them.

Is it any wonder or surprise that when a 'cheap magical potion' is promising such a remarkable and immediate 'relief' of the self doubt, confusion, shyness, self consciousness, fear and pain teens experience during these times..that so many are reaching for it today? Is it any surprise that the teens that reach for 'Meth' are usually the most sensitive and emotional in a family?

The sad irony of this youngsters journey into hell is just a natural result of a society who demands instant gratification and has too much time on their hands

they've passed along as a unknowing Legacy to their children.

Parents scratch their heads wondering 'what they did wrong' to cause their teen to make such a terrible choice, but what if parents knew that the choice to use METH will most likely be made by the child who made them laugh and smile the most, and who cared the most about everything, and who served as the catalyst to keep the family together and who tried to 'please everyone' the most?

....and then, there are the lies.

In the name of protecting our nation's offspring, society and parents regularly admonish their kids to, "Just say no to drugs', as if all drugs presented the same danger and consequences in their lives, and as if using any one of them might have the same results. As parents reach for their glass of booze or prescription medication to resolve their own issues of discomfort, they fail to see the messages their children are receiving by 'seeing' how things really work with their own eyes.

Parents often have no idea whatsoever about their kids 'experimentation' with alcohol or drugs...and because they came out of their own 'wild and crazy days' they assume their children will as well. When it comes to METH,

parents need to throw all those pre-conceived ideas into the trash can.

The impact of any statement about 'Don't use Drugs' is voided by the reality of a world seeking life without pain and problems, emotional growth without unhappiness and sorrow and disappointment difficulty, and self esteem without doing anything worthy of it. Even more serious is a hypocrisy exhibited by our own 'self medicating' behaviors we consistently deny exists.

An entire culture of such hedonistic dishonesty invites 'Meth' into the best of homes as often as it visits the worst of homes. A fact many parents lament too late.

So, like so many others, Christopher...a sensitive kid with the 'heart' of a Lion reached for Meth, and everyday, Kids are reaching for it and beginning a journey like no other in the history of our nation. How can any honest person "condemn them" for making such a decision? I can't.

It is the natural evolution of nature and nurture we have enfolded them with from birth as a self indulgent society. Anyone of us would rush a child to medical attention if they ingested a poisonous substance, but strangely deny medical treatment to our children during the most critical time of their development when we find they have used drugs.

We offer them the horror of jail as a punitive answer to their need to self medicate instead. We abandon them to computer games and television and their music as we struggle to attain even higher degrees of 'comfort' and prestige in our own lives. We expect 'someone else' to give them the the essential tools they need to deal with 'life on life's terms' because we have forgotten it is our job to 'train them and prepare them for a world that is harsh and cold toward the meekest and weakest of us.

We expect teens to make 'good choices' at a time when their brains aren't developed enough to know what 'sound reasoning is', much less practice it. We do everything 'wrong' and then expect something 'right' to come of it.

Most parents don't even know what 'lethal' ingredients are a part of Meth, but we do know that a kid drinking 'bleach' needs immediate attention by professionals. How is it that we have failed so miserably to make the connection between 'poison', and 'poison' in the span of a few years for a growing child?

Is it any wonder at all that Meth usage among kids is epidemic and almost every family is touched by it today? Access to it is remarkably easy.

Continuing the 'lie' that Meth is like any other drug is doing a great disservice to our kids. It is like comparing someone drinking a 'glass of wine' with the 'skid row bum'...and treating them the same.

The price tag for continuing this lie is more and more children and young adults dying needlessly at an oh so early age. Why are we building more prisons, and no Challenge Camps for young kids on drugs? Has all reason and common sense left the world in the past three generations? Has anyone noticed that Lyndon Johnson's "War on Drugs' was lost a long time ago and we need to stop doing the same old things still expecting different results?

As a nation, we have all but eliminated 'smoking' as a common enemy to children.

Yet our 'sacred booze' has been relatively ignored as a worse enemy than smoking ever was. So it is the same with METH compared with Pot as each of them carry the same consequence legally, but mentally, physically and emotionally

they are worlds apart.

So Chris, like so many before him, and so many more to come after him... Reached for 'poison' and lost his own personal War before he really had a chance to live and thrive and teach. There is no condemnation for him as he fought valiantly to overcome an enemy so powerful, baffling and cunning it takes "everything" with amazing speed.

In our own family we have seen the destruction of my brothers life and family with his use of Meth, and our Grandson's struggle to come through it alive as well as he pays a steep price born of skateboarding and having some fun, and from his own mother's lifelong addiction to drugs, including meth. It cost him his last year of High School as a Senior enjoying the events and 'top dog' position they so relish, his education, his freedom when he was jailed for joyriding someone elses ATV, along with the trust of our family and his 'carefree' youth that could have been had METH never crossed his path. He is only 20 years old and now waits on a long list to get into a Recovery Home designed for alcoholics because there is nothing else available for him in the richest State in the Nation, California.

We've been as "ignorant and confused" as everyone else when it comes to knowing a right plan of action that will restore our kids to the people we once knew before it is too late, but like anyone victimized through severe Trauma, these kids can never be the same.

In our family there is still hope for 'recovery' from this ravaging drug.

For As long as they are breathing, there is "hope".

The death of this young man is another grim witness proving that we are ALL ill prepared to face it in our own children and grandchildren if they should reach for the 'magic potion' themselves. Many fear their friends and even their own families 'knowing' about their suffering family because they fear

condemnation by others. They keep the 'addictions' a secret, and blame everything and everyone for it but the one thing it really is....the DRUG.

Our Grandson, like Christopher was a good kid...not some schoolyard problem kid, he had a strike against him due to an addicted Mother, but that reality could have provided a strength as a 'deterrent' just as well. I know a lot of tea toting adults who don't drink because their parents were drunks. It could have been that way for him,

but METH is too strong and powerful of a drug

for a kid to 'fight' alone.

If Christopher's brief life and death could save one child from the same fate, his life would not have been in vain. Yet, like most families in such tragic circumstances, we don't talk about the 'root' cause of death because it brings such guilt and pain to us who are still coming to grips with the unbearable loss of a child.

As parents, and grandparents, we must realize that 'we are totally alone' in our efforts to keep this child killing drug out of our own kids reach as a lack of 'access' to it would prevent many from 'reaching' for it to begin with. No school or government agency can make a dent in this awful scourge without our complete knowledge and cooperation...and even if they could...why aren't parents being reminded more regularly that their own kid's wellbeing is their responsibility?

It is our "job, and ours alone" to learn as much as we can about this lethal poison and share the absolute unvarnished 'truth' about it to everyone we know.

We need to stop comparing it to marijuana or booze or anything else out there we may have experienced ourselves.

Meth is too fast to 'addict' and too deadly to be classified in the same league with other drugs. It's Cheap and easy to manufacture, contains deadly ingredients
that immediately begin to rot teeth, kill brain cells, create lesions and age victims as it ravages every cell in their bodies while it destroys the bodies natural ability to produce the chemical dopamine in the brain; a chemical that gives us all a sense of levity and well being.

A baby born without the chemical 'dopamine' present in the brain will die.

Is it any wonder, that deprived of this essential brain chemical, a METH user will seek it again and again even after knowing first hand it's lethal and destructive power? As their lives spiral downward, their shame and guilt increases and their need for the 'affects' of the deadly drug grows accordingly.

The "euphoria" METH first delivers is so strong the drug 'calls' the user for months and even years after their last use, and leaves them in a constant state of potential relapse for the rest of their lives

and even as their body struggles to regain a natural balance.

No one would expect a young person with every bone in their bodies broken to be 'whole' overnight, and without benefit of long physical therapy, but that is exactly what we expect of our children who become addicted to METH.

We prefer to stay ignorant of our most lethal enemy, and this leaves our 'trying to recover' children to fight it alone AND almost completely 'unarmed'.

The words of a teenagers poem below should resonate in ever ear and on every street corner in America, and I pray that it sticks in your brains as it does mine for the Sake of every 'Christopher' in the nation.

It is a powerful and poignant view of the 'enemy' we face with METH and may you bravely face every word of it regardless of how painful it is, and in spite of your own denial system of belief about it being able to touch your own family and children.

Nothing known to man is more cunning and powerful than METH.

If you and yours, by some stroke of luck or good fortune, escape the grasp of this epidemic and growing use by our Nation's young, perhaps you can provide some insight and reality therapy to another parent who thinks their kid or loved one will

grow out of it'.

"Not my child". Does not apply when it comes to Meth.


(This was written by a young Indian girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells of it

in this simple, yet profound poem.

She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her.

They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm.)

Please keep praying for our Children, Teens, Young adults. Understand, this thing is worse than any of us can ever imagine and please do whatever you can to destroy the 'source' of it in your own back yard.

Prevention is truly worth a thousand pounds of cure,

where this 'specific' drug is concerned.

I AM METH

I destroy homes,
I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds,
more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember
I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town

I live with the rich,
I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab,
but not like you think,
I can be made under your kitchen sink.

In your child's closet,
and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names,
but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome,
try me...you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once
and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you,
you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to - just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit
for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.

You'll lie to your mother,
you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget all your morals
and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents,
and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you,
your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always - right by your side.

You'll give up everything -
your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take,
till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned -
this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body,
I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares
I'll give you... while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes,
the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But by then it's too late,
and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me,
as they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen,
many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no,
and just walked away,
If you could live that day over,
now what would you say?

I'll be your master,

you are my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me,
what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.

I can bring you more misery
than any words can tell,

Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.


GOD HELP US ALL.

and God Bless Christopher as he now Rests in Peace.