A LEGACY THAT MAKES LIFE WORTH THE LIVING...FOR OUR CHILDREN AND THEIR PROGENY...

(Left to Right: Seated Front: David (son) Lindsay (daughter) Ean (Grandson-from Jim and Lindsay) Jim (son-in-law) Benjamin (Grandson- from Jim and Lindsay) Aunt Faye (95) Lee (Mom) Left to Right: Standing Back: Linda (me..Grammie) Sierra (Grand-daughter David & Genice) Tom (Grandson-from Jim and Lindsay marriage) Wendy (daughter) Emily (Grand Daughter from Wendy and Will) Will (son-in-law) Jordan (Grand daughter Wendy and now Will's from marriage) Joey (son) and Allen (Papa)

A recent incident in another family situation prompted this 'rant', so hold on to your hats Nervous Nellies cause we're going on an odd 'ride through life' and it's gonna get a little strange and wild!

The picture above was taken at Christmas when all "the kids" were "home" with us and most of the grandkids were here too. Aunt Faye (95), Allen (55) and I (60 in April) live here together on the ranch and have lived together for the past eleven years in Oregon and in California.

When Allen and I married 17 years plus ago on Pearl Harbor Day in Las Vegas, I came into the marriage with three kids (David, Wendy and Lindsay) and he came in with two children (Joey and his daughter Charity who passed in 1989 at the age of 14).

We didn't have much at that time due to a "series of unfortunate events" (to coin a phrase) and what little we did have wasn't worth squat...but over the years, by the grace of God, extraordinary luck, and open handed opportunities given us by others...we've had a comfortable life and have acquired more "things" than we ever dreamed possible when we were growing up in our blue collar families.

We recently came up with the 'final plan' in the form of a Revocable Living Trust (which I highly recommend anyone with kids or a spouse attend to right away) to help our kids keep their eye on the prize... and not the details of our passing.

The 'prize' in any family is great family relations, and over the past twenty five years in the Real Estate and Mortgage business I have seen so many families come to 'HATE' each other because parents planned 'poorly' or didn't plan at all...and never talked to them about how important each of them were in their lives.

Having seen such sadness and hurt, the last thing we want to do is leave our kids wondering where they stood with us while we were alive? So, it's important to 'tend to that too' methinks, but don't let me get ahead of myself here.

First...when Allen and I married, we married each others kids and made a committment to God that there would "be no divorce' unless it was Bibically sanctioned (and I gotta admit, I was sorry I made that vow many times in the first five years).

It was rocky for the first few years mostly because we were both pretty 'protective' of our birth kids...but to avoid worse problems on the horizon...we agreed that we had to behave 'fairly' to all four of them no matter what we 'felt' personally.

As time went on, the 'your kids, my kids' ideas disappeared altogether and they all seemed to become OUR KIDS without much fanfare for some reason...and it has been that way ever since. For many, blended family life is not so kind.

Here are a few examples:

In my office one day, I watched brothers and sisters almost go to blows because one kid felt entitled to a bigger share of the estate than the others. I couldn't blame her for her feelings...since she cared for their mother through several years of illness before she passed away....but the other kids reasoned that she got 'free rent' in return and that was also true. They didn't want to give one kid (not present) anything at all because he was a drug addict and he would just use drugs with the money... and I saw that as a hard call too...but wondered at their own wisdom in spending the money as well? As the evening meeting wore on, the more a bitter animosity grew. If you think sibling 'rivalary' is alive when parents are living, you should see it in action when they die. Awful remarks reeking of "Guilt and Blame" were being slung around the room recklessly..,and I could see the wounds becoming deeper and deeper.

I was there to help them negotiate a plan, so it wasn't appropriate for me to tell them to shut the hell up...as I might be inclined to do now, since age has made me a lot more spicy in some areas.

Now, all the gut wrenching drama was over a 'modest home' to be sold with the proceeds estimated at about $30,000 to be split about six ways (if the drug addicted brother was left out), and I was sitting with the 'heirs' trying to hammer out some sort of agreement that they would find acceptable. There was no formal Will, so the property had to wind it's way through probate before it landed on my desk and each one of them had to agree with everything or nothing was going to happen at all.

In the end, no one came away happy and that is usually a good indicator that things were fair...and I had the feeling that several of them would never speak to each other again once the transaction was completed and they received their 'share' of the estate.

Years later, one of them financed another property with us, and she confirmed that the family 'split up' and that none of them had a good relationship since their mother died. "Just too much water under the bridge', she sighed. It was a shame because they shared a rich history and culture in a boisterous Italian family I admired. I was chosen to sell the home because their mother had been one of my first clients when I entered real estate and we had stayed in 'Christmas Card' touch at least.

Now here was a large family of kids that could have supported and encouraged each other, shared stories of success and defeat, but hidden feelings, resentments, need and greed got the best of them once Cesarina passed away...and now they had nothing but their own children to offer comfort and friendship to them as they aged.
So much history was lost over so little.

and worse, I was once called as a witness in a Civil Suit by one brother suing a sister over personal belongings of his parents she took...and the fracture of that family caused terrible unhappiness for many years. I again had the opportunity to sell the property of one of the siblings, and he said he didn't even know where his sister lived anymore. They never spoke again and there was just the two of them.

Much of that pain could have been avoided if the parents had left a Will or a Trust...even though the estate was very small.

My own Dad never made a Will and it was quite confusing for all of us, but my brother and sister are reasonable people and my stepmom was generous with all of us...so we had no squabbles over what we received...more with the feeling of gratitude that we got anything at all...rather than what 'we had coming.' A different stepmom, brother or sister...and the outcome might have been quite different and very painful too.

Allen has a very poor relationship with his siblings since his father passed away, but it is highly complicated and a sad situation as well, so I'll pass on that story for now except to say that all of the experiences we've had were important to us as we discussed our own 'exit plan' from life.

We opted for a somewhat unusual 'Living Trust'.


Our Revocable Living Trust can be changed or amended or cancelled or modified at our will as long as both of us are still "living", but upon the death of one of us, it becomes an Ir-revocable Trust. We chose this option not because we believe our spouse will squander the assets because that is still possible, but to protect our remaining estate's heirs when one of us dies.

We've been a team of sorts through the years, and more like the 'Odd Couple' than 'Ozzie and Harriet', so we don't want some 'has been Harry' or 'desperate Dorothy' showing up with hearts and flowers during the lonely times and having a chance to ursurp the assets from our children as a grieving lottery winning widow or widower should the second half of us hit the dust shortly after the first gives up the ghost.

Realizing that we might get even more stupid in our old age than we were in our younger years...we wanted to take no chances on 'falling in love again' without some safeguards in place.

We understand those Community Property Laws better than most, I fear.

All four of our kids are named to 'share and share alike'...so if there is one penny left, they have to split it 'four ways'..end of story.

The Estate, if there is any by that time, is then protected from any claim by a 'new spouse' should either one of us remarry. We're pretty pragmatic about these things, and what we have 'built together' for our children is for our children.

So, any 'new spouse' (heaven forbid on my part...)will clearly know that the assets established 'before that marriage' have been set aside and are not up for grabs under community property laws of the land or spousal rights of survivorship.

I've seen "new brides" and "new Husbands" of marriages lasting less than a year ... take all the assets... and the kids ended up with nothing but the family home door slammed in their faces. This concept just didn't sit right with me as fair or just and Allen agreed that we should try to prevent that from happening, so that is what we did. It costs a little more than the boiler plate Living Trust, but the peace of mind is
very comforting.

Another 'condition' of our Trust is that Our kids will receive one fourth of whatever is left, no matter if they are near or far...watch out for us or not...call regularly or forget the phone exists...and simply because they are our blood. I look at this passing of assets to blood from parents as the most historic and acceptable way to move assets from one generation to another. Like 'good looks'...They can't 'earn' or 'deserve' their share since it is just the luck of the genes, and by this provision...they have no reason to think badly of each other for what they may or may not have done for old 'Mom and Dad' nor determine who 'deserves' the most or the least.

If the way to heaven for either of us is long and painful and expensive, there are other considerations we've talked about too... and they need to know that now as well.

...WHAT HAPPENS IF WE JUST 'GO DOWN' AND NOT 'OUT'...?

We know what a tremendous responsibility it is to care for the aged because we've been doing it for the past eleven years. We've been luckier than many because we've taken care for a woman that tries to do 'everything she can' for herself. Now she is deaf, nearly blind, incotentenent, and shaky...at 95, she is becoming more and more fragile with each passing day, and prone to falling as well.

We recently brought in part time help to get her acclimated to having someone other than us 'helping her' with everything, but she wisely got an insurance policy to cover full time help when that becomes necessary as well.

We don't want to burden our children or families with a committment like the one we've made, but if that turns out to be like it is...then we would pay for them to care for us 'while we are living' which would most likely mean less 'estate' to share and share alike when we move on to the next chapter in our spiritual book. It would be out in the open and up front, and thankfully, my kids are all very 'fair play' oriented and I doubt they would have a problem with it.

"Death" is a fact of life and I am not sure why no one likes to talk about their plans before they head out. When people know what we 'want' and have a chance to discuss it with us from their perspective, no one comes into a room to hear the 'secret will' read with fear or dread. I want to spare my kids all of that.

If I lose my mind, have a stroke and can't speak, or become too sick or medicated to think or speak clearly and sensibly...I want the Doctors and Nurses to answer any questions any of my children might ask of them. Each kid will respond and perceive things in a different way, so we aren't appointing anyone to become the 'spokesperson' for us or to dole out information as they see fit.

As our next of kin, we're naming all four of them privileged to the real information about us. At this point, Wendy is here with us, so she would (by proximity and medical training) most likely be the one 'on point', but if one of the other kids called to find out what was happening directly from the Doc or Nurse, why not?

Not to insult any of our medical friends and family, but Allen and I don't much LIKE DOCTORS and find most of them lacking when compared to the old family docs of old. Too many 'risks' of being 'sued' have turned them into pill pushers and specialist referrers and testing referrers and they offer little in concrete advice or counsel.

Neither Allen or I want any of this 'life support' stuff (other than to provide enough time to give any working organ, cornea, kidney, slab of fat, skin, blood, bone or bone marrow away to someone who needs it to have a decent chance at life) period. Once our sorry old bodies have been harvested or anything worthwhile, pull the damned plug.

I've seen millions of dollars of medicare and insurance money squandered to keep old geezers (or virtually dead people) breathing and personal wealth drained at the rate of a tens of thousands of dollars a day...for it as well. I sure didn't work as hard as I've worked over the years to hand our assets over to Doctors and Hospitals when the end of our quality of life...is inevitable or even probable.

I've been critized many times in my life for my generosity to my kids. I wanted to help each of them own their own home, and they do...all except for Joey and we've provided for that too when he and his new bride Nicole are ready. I won't admit what I spent for Christmas this past year or someone might have me committed. The point is, our young adult children need money when they are young and when they are raising families, and why not help out when they need it (and deserve it) if we can afford it?

Don't get me wrong, I spend plenty on myself and so does Allen...but there comes a time when one realizes that the 'more stuff one has' the more stuff they have to take care of...and it is work to manage assets. Our goals have changed significantly over the past several years because we don't see the same opportunities we've had in life available for our grandchildren....so we're trying to build a Legacy for them.

First, we wouldn't want to leave a bunch of 'debt' for our kids to slosh through when trying to figure out the value of our estate...so we are working now to get the ranch 'free and clear' as soon as possible. Yes, we're going to have to bite the green bullet and pay Uncle Sam a hefty sum when we cash out some of our property to clear this one...but the money in the ground in Timber alone could sustain most of our retirement for years to come if necessary. Can you imagine selling off old growth one tree at a time? We've discovered old growth Douglas Fir sells at about $750. to $850. per 1,000 board feet and some of our trees here would yield thousands of board feet.

Not to mention the Alder and Maple Trees growing in abundance. This ranch is a kids a kids paradise, but it is also one of the best investments we've made in our lives. It is the only privately owned Timber Mill permitted property in Lincoln County. It is like having the mineral rights on private property (a right that is excluded from almost every property in the United States today)!

This was a 'Legacy' left by a local old man who has fought the Government every inch of the way from encroaching on his rights for his entire life...and whose father once owned most of the land in Lincoln County ...since the 1800's when this was part of the Louisana Territory and Lewis and Clark broke the Oregon Trail. He protected this particular parcel of land because he owned it, and raised his children on it, then sold it to his son, who sold it to us.

If all else failed in our economy, this particular parcel of land lends itself to self sufficiency more than most. When we bought this property, the locals kept saying that it was the 'best piece of land' in the county, but we didn't know "why" except for its commercial permits, beauty and the strength of this Log home. A year round water supply from springs can sustain many if need be. Wildlife abounds and those berry bushes we cuss and try to defeat grow prolifically with zero tending.

We don't plan on being 'cut off' from civilization, but have never felt more concerned with the lack of civility in our times either. There are 78 million baby boomers heading for retirement and the public money of Social Security...and 33 million or so currently collecting.

Boomers (my generation) only had a few kids and their kids are having even fewer children, so who is going to 'pay the piper' for all of those external forces coming together at the same time? So, for us...planning ahead to what we see as a potentially dismal future for our young Grandchildren, we feel an obligation to 'put away' some natural assets for their benefit...since their taxes are going to be 'shamefully' high.

I may be turning sixty (which some believe is still young...but less and less all the time) but we are planning as if we were 80...and the reality of our squandered resources and neglected environment are quickly playing themselves out. Each year passes by in the the blink of an eye, and in ten short years...we will be out of oil. That alone should be a sobering thought to anyone with a brain bigger than a pea.

Almost 48 million people are without any form of health insurance whatsoever, and this number is growing every day as 'working wage' jobs move off shore to save benefit packages that seem to many like a distant dream.

Almost 'half' of all employment is 'government' employment which means that extremely generous government pensions upon boomer retirement are just around the bend in addition to Social Security. The debt of these unfunded promised pensions is so enormous...whole municipalities are on the verge of bankruptcy already...and hundreds of hospitals are too.

In less than a 100 years, we've devoured or destroyed what nature took millions of years to build. Sadly, the two essential elements to sustain life AIR AND WATER have been so badly polluted they are beyond recovery now.

Most people are so busy dancing for dollars through life they haven't had a chance to research for hours on end....nor pour through boring scientific data on fact finding missions...to even have a clue about the inevitable 'crashing' of this runaway train we call America.

People need facts, but are satisfied with Slogans and one liners found on the evening news. Everyone works long hours to make ends meet and they never do...that is why we are more than 32 trillion dollars in the red in 'consumer debt' and most people are only two paychecks away from homelessness.

When a Mortgage Lender like 'Homecomings" is calling your home for an important message reminding you that they haven't received your March 1st Mortgage payment and it is now the 5th of the month...someone (or a lot of someone's) aren't making their mortgage payments! In California, always the indicator of things to come, only 13% of the population of working age residents can afford to purchase a home so California investors are crawling all over other states and pushing their home prices higher as well! The 'natives' are stunned with this sudden increase in cost of living.

The "American Dream" has got up and went, and those in the know will turn the greatest profits of all time. The Rich really are 'getting richer' and the poor really are 'getting poorer'...and as the recent tragedy of New Orleans shows...people aren't going to be 'very nice' to each other when 'survival of the fittest or the richest' comes to a town near you or us.

I'm not sharing this to make anyone do anything differently than they are doing it now...but to NOT share it for consideration seems a bit selfish too.

The 'point' is this. When things in life go to hell in a hand basket on a personal basis or on a grand scale...the only people who will give a damn if we live or die, eat or starve, live in a home or under a bridge.... will be our 'families'. Nurturing and paying attention to those 'family' relationships are the most important life enriching skills we can attain and maintain.

Other than 'share and share alike', and pull the plug early on in the game if I go down for the count...I want my kids to do whatever they think is best for the family as a whole...regardless of my personal wishes uttered when I am 'fat and happy' and independent.

I trust them to do 'the right thing' for 'everybody' concerned so their relationship stays in tact at all costs. I hope 'Mother's wishes' will never be cause for dispute between them...throw 'Mother's wishes' in the garbage can if that should happen, please!

I believe they are going to need each other more than ever as time marches on, and whether or not I am still marching at all, and above all else...celebrate my life and don't mourn for long...as I've had a damned good life overall...and better than most that came before me. I value their love and friendship now above all treasures on earth, and work now to help assure an opportunity for their progeny.

If they can look at each other and their children and grandchildren with the same eyes of gratitude, admiration, respect and dignity I see in each of them...I will rest easy for eternity. This is the 'Legacy' I most want for them in the future...and I hope they will detemine in their own ways...and in their own time, that it is one 'truth' that is self-evident.

Another is, "old too soon and wise too late" I regret to inform you...is also true. Go for the Gusto...it only comes around one time!


Hugs to all...