WAR ON TERROR....AN ARMY OF ONE SERVING ON A LONELY OUTPOST
I am so sorry my dears that I cannot visit as often as I would like of late to share those home spun local yokel tales you've come to know and love...but I've been a busy, busy Army of One lately...
Alas, President Bubba has left me alone on the US MEXICAN Border with green tea, pork and beans, and a magical potion I am to use... only if I fail to "secure it" by myself as everyone else seems to be too busy for this lowly job at the moment and well, I volunteered for duty with what few skills I can actually offer my Country.
The Mission at times seems doomed, but I carry on...knowing the importance my Commander and Chief places on National Security at the most intimate level possible.
Sure, I am heckeled by Millions of demonstrators who scream, "The Hell with Haiti, Biafra and the Sudan! We have a God Given right to invade America cause it ain´t our problem that America is just sitting there like a bump on a log...right on our border, is it ?"
I struggle for the words to somehow stop or defeat the oncoming hoards...my eyes darting right and left as my jaw begins to matriculate in mere anticipation of my next...carefully spoken "words of mass destruction".
"Words" that will have a "sudden impact" on the continually swelling herd´s thundering feet as they stampede straight for me determined to not let that stupid American 'Rule of Law' get in their way for uno momento....and against this Army of One...the odds seem overwhelming at times.
I see great potential for my guts being stomped and strewn all over this buzzard inhabited desert by sheer numbers alone if they overtake me in one huge wave of huddled mass, and I tremble.
Then I remember I am an American...I CAN DO THIS!
I WAS BORN TO DO THIS...TRAINED TO DO THIS...
HAVE THE TALENT TO DO THIS...
... AND BY GEORGE, I WILL DO THIS!
I slam back my Green Tea, wipe my sweat dripping face with my arm, shake out my jitters and prepare to Greet all them squatter wannabes...HEAD ON.
As my eyes roll back showing clearly only the ´whites of my eyes´, I begin spinning my head in circles faster and faster...the dizziness causes green gunk to erupt from my mouth with a heaving 'accuracy' quite impressive to anyone in range...if I must say so myself.
...while the whole choking sensation that follows is supressed so a deep, gutteral sound escapes from my bowels to my lips in a loud forboding hiss...
´GET...OUT...!´
"Two Words"...immediately heard and understood even by the smallest member of the undulating herd, and thousands stop dead in their tracks, fall to their knees and begin to cross themselves fourteen to thirty times in a rapid succession before turning tail and running faster than a locomotive back into Mexico...wailing and crying while thanking Mary, Mother of God for saving their eternal souls...
Sure, it's another 'victory', but the Glory is short lived at my lonely outpost...as another herd forms in the distance to replace the last... still clinging to their Rosarys in white knuckled terror and swearing to never brave the night again.
As soon as there is a slow down in ´traffic´, or my Border 'relief, (the Werewolf) arrives' again on the full moon finally...I may be able to pack it in for a few days and spend more time speaking sweetly of my fellow man and all the pretty parts of life on my Blog more frequently.
You know how I love to make you all smile during my brief respites from my lonely Mission on the Border for Homeland Security....and I live for that these days.
Cause in my new line of work on the Border,
I don't get many 'smiles' from those I serve.
Alas, President Bubba has left me alone on the US MEXICAN Border with green tea, pork and beans, and a magical potion I am to use... only if I fail to "secure it" by myself as everyone else seems to be too busy for this lowly job at the moment and well, I volunteered for duty with what few skills I can actually offer my Country.
The Mission at times seems doomed, but I carry on...knowing the importance my Commander and Chief places on National Security at the most intimate level possible.
Sure, I am heckeled by Millions of demonstrators who scream, "The Hell with Haiti, Biafra and the Sudan! We have a God Given right to invade America cause it ain´t our problem that America is just sitting there like a bump on a log...right on our border, is it ?"
I struggle for the words to somehow stop or defeat the oncoming hoards...my eyes darting right and left as my jaw begins to matriculate in mere anticipation of my next...carefully spoken "words of mass destruction".
"Words" that will have a "sudden impact" on the continually swelling herd´s thundering feet as they stampede straight for me determined to not let that stupid American 'Rule of Law' get in their way for uno momento....and against this Army of One...the odds seem overwhelming at times.
I see great potential for my guts being stomped and strewn all over this buzzard inhabited desert by sheer numbers alone if they overtake me in one huge wave of huddled mass, and I tremble.
Then I remember I am an American...I CAN DO THIS!
I WAS BORN TO DO THIS...TRAINED TO DO THIS...
HAVE THE TALENT TO DO THIS...
... AND BY GEORGE, I WILL DO THIS!
I slam back my Green Tea, wipe my sweat dripping face with my arm, shake out my jitters and prepare to Greet all them squatter wannabes...HEAD ON.
As my eyes roll back showing clearly only the ´whites of my eyes´, I begin spinning my head in circles faster and faster...the dizziness causes green gunk to erupt from my mouth with a heaving 'accuracy' quite impressive to anyone in range...if I must say so myself.
...while the whole choking sensation that follows is supressed so a deep, gutteral sound escapes from my bowels to my lips in a loud forboding hiss...
´GET...OUT...!´
"Two Words"...immediately heard and understood even by the smallest member of the undulating herd, and thousands stop dead in their tracks, fall to their knees and begin to cross themselves fourteen to thirty times in a rapid succession before turning tail and running faster than a locomotive back into Mexico...wailing and crying while thanking Mary, Mother of God for saving their eternal souls...
Sure, it's another 'victory', but the Glory is short lived at my lonely outpost...as another herd forms in the distance to replace the last... still clinging to their Rosarys in white knuckled terror and swearing to never brave the night again.
As soon as there is a slow down in ´traffic´, or my Border 'relief, (the Werewolf) arrives' again on the full moon finally...I may be able to pack it in for a few days and spend more time speaking sweetly of my fellow man and all the pretty parts of life on my Blog more frequently.
You know how I love to make you all smile during my brief respites from my lonely Mission on the Border for Homeland Security....and I live for that these days.
Cause in my new line of work on the Border,
I don't get many 'smiles' from those I serve.
posted by Linda's World Today at
12:07 AM
11 Comments:
dying to see the b-day party blog !
Matriculation would be if Jaws went to College. There was some mastication at the b-day party concerning two helpings of lasagna.
Very articulate interpretation of the party...
When I spank..it is hard.
ONE helping of Lasagna...smarty mouth! (whoever you are!) Where's my HOT SAUCE for smarty mouth?
Other than that...mastication is correct Joey. Good catch.
One should never articulate with a mouthfull of lasagna.
One should never articulate with a mouthfull of lasagna.
One should never articulate with a mouthfull of lasagna.
...even after three helpings.
ok so enough we want the B-day party blog!!!!
Is that why you gave me a PLUNGER for my Birthday Present...PLUNGER?
Probably sooner than you think on the lasagna dinner honey buns...but I draw the line on 'Group Plunging' since I have found that going solo is a lot faster since I don't have to smile and be polite to others during the process.
Will report on the practical gift application you gave later...once I break it in...whoo hoo.
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