THE WEDDING - DECEMBER 30TH, 2005

Now here is where I may be getting into trouble, but this Blog is about my own reflections on life as I live it, so I have to "calls them as I sees them" in order to be true to my self and others, who have some interest in what is written here.

First of all, I could have killed my youngest son when he announced his wedding was going to be on the 30th of December!

Originally, it was going to be around next June...then they moved it forward to 'spring' and then it became as soon after Joey Graduated from College as possible!

Now 'It' was going to be in Idaho in the dead of winter where the average temperature is about 34 degrees on a nice day, and just days after a big family Christmas celebration here in Oregon planned for more than a year. O VEY!

I also knew this would place a financial strain on all of our family due to the expense of traveling here for Christmas, Christmas itself, and it being a slow time of year for our various business interests, then on to Caldwell, Id. on a second journey more than ten hours from here. Of course, I don't think the Bride and Groom thought much about anything except that it was time to get married after three years of dating and waiting...and away they went on their plans...kids!

Of course, we wern't going to miss the wedding for anything...no matter when they held it, so we had to suck it up and plan that extra leg into the mix...but I wasn't whistling dixie about it either.

I also knew that once the wedding itself was over, Nicole and Joey would be leaving for their long awaited honeymoon which ended up being a cruise in the Gulf (but I haven't heard how it all went yet, although I know my son could have fun no matter where he went) unless they got as sick as we ended up being for the past ten days.

The rest of us would be in Boise, ID. which doesn't seem to be on anyone's 'top ten' vacation destinations in the world...so some would go home and some would go on...and we were in the second group of 'going on' to Las Vegas with Jim and Lindsay and entourage...so there ya go.

December 30th was also a Friday which meant some of the working class would have to take off work to attend. David and Sierra couldn't go because David is still in the Police Academy and had to get back or face losing a lot of points for not being present. So, we had to ship David and Sierra back home only three days after they were able to arrive...which was way to short of visit time for all of us for a lot of investment.

Finally, we accepted the date and time because Joey let us know that he and Nicole had remained true to their promise to stay 'virgins' until marriage and he was way more than anxious to experience the consumation of his marriage vows. I sorta kinda understood how he felt, but my nose was still a tad out of joint anyway, forgive me the jewish mother bit even though we aren't jewish.

Nicole had graduated from Biola University last May so they had been apart for some time as well while Joe finished some courses he had neglected in the past, so both of them were 'chomping at the bit' to pledge their lives to each other as soon as they could.

OK, I thought, how can I complain when my son had the gonads to keep a promise to God like that in the face of all the opportunity and temptation in the world they had gone through to not keep that promise. They did things the 'right way' so if we were inconvenienced, well that was a small price to pay, right?

As we all readied to make the journey to Caldwell, ID right after our Christmas celebration the 26th, the house looked like a Tornado hit it when we left...scrambling to get Gramma Roach, my son David and Sierra packed with all the Christmas stuff and all of us on our proper flights on the 29th.

Exhausted, and feeling a 'bug' coming on, it didn't help that our flight was delayed several hours so by the time we landed in Boise, rented our car and got to the motel room...there was no time to freshen up for the "Rehearsal Dinner" we, as the Grooms family, had promised to pay for at a nice restaurant.


Barely getting to the Dinner on time (and without directions we sort of wandered around for a while looking for the place...), everyone was dressed beautifully for the event, except us...we still looked (and felt) like Oregon 'Mountain folk' much to the horror of my son (which he got over after a mild verbal spanking on my part succinctly delivered to him).

I was in no mood to hear how inappropriately we were dressed as we had gone through so much to just 'get there' so we could pick up the tab for the traditional Rehersal Dinner the Grooms family provides for the opportunity of meeting the bridal party and the brides family, etc.

Then, there were no more seats in the main private dining room for our family to sit with all the other guests...(which was awkward to say the least)...one of the serving staff made a remark about the 'extra people' showing up that wasn't on their list of guests I had an opportunity to let them know that I was one extra who was going to be writing the check for the whole shabang so hopefully things could be worked out better for us sometime soon.

Joe's pals in the wedding party were kind enough to take the outside dining room so our family members could sit with the rest of Joe and Nicole's families in the main room and we began meeting some of Nicole's family as they introduced themselves.

After some shuffling around of bodies, we were able to be seated.

The dinner was delicious, and there were nearly 40 people there but when it was over, we wouldn't see our son or anyone from Nicole's family until the next day when we were asked to come to the church by 11 am for picture taking which was a little unique for us since most photos at weddings we have attended is after the ceremony and before the Reception...but we wanted to do the right thing and make no fuss about anything and showed up as directed.

Of course, after waiting for about an hour with the two babies of Lindsay's getting restless and Emily wanting to play too...we found that they had a nursery which we used at different times during the photo taking part of the day. As luck would have it, As soon as Wendy and Will went to get mochas for all of us, they called us for our photos and Joey reprimanded us for not being ready at the time they called us, but I chalked that up to his nervousness and let it slide.

We've never been to anything where Joey's "other" family was in attendance...which is his Mother, Sylvia, sister Karen and niece Elizabeth so none of us really knew where we fit into the scheme of things so it was awkward once again just to try to figure that one out.

Everyone was very nice and of course, Joe's Mom, sister and Niece are familiar old friends so we felt pretty comfortable around them already....but there were so many we had not a clue about, so we sort of clustered by ourselves and tried to stay out of the way for the most part.

As hundreds of photos were being shot over the next two hours of the wedding party, the wedding party with Joe's Mom and her family, the wedding party and Nicole's family, and so on and so forth...we were finally called up for about a five minute... five photo shot... session and then we were done.

Except that Allen's ex wife Sylvia made a special request of the photographer to have "herself, Allen and Joe and Nicole ONLY" in some photos...so I stood aside trying to figure out what that one was all about too...but Sylvia's husband was nearby so I sort of stayed near him during this odd event...and took some photos of my own. lol

We barely know Joe's step-dad John, and his step brothers as his Mom married again sometime around Joe's High School graduation I believe. Once we got to talking to John later that day, I found him very nice and a real person...we had a few laughs hiding out behind the church to smoke together too.

Sinners.

Finally, it was time for the ceremony and for some reason Allen and I were seated in the row behind Sylvia and John...which seemed odd to me, but we didn't whine about it as Joe awaited his bride.

The ceremony itself was beautiful and at the beginning Joe almost lost it and I had to hold his mother back from running up in the middle of it to give him a tissue and heaven knows what else...thank God..."but Joey's crying" she pleaded with all the anguish a mother would have if a child were hurt, but I reminded her that Joey was a man now and he would be OK). ..."but, Joey's crying..." she protested, and I warned, "Don't go up there, please!"

For a minute, I thought Allen was going to join her...but he held back as well after grabbing for a tissue. I surely didn't want the two of them jumping to the rescue in the middle of the ceremony by going up there and drawing attention to themselves as Joey was going for his composure...which he did within 30 seconds or so. His composure regained, the ceremony continued beautifully without Joe having to be embarrassed as his mother and father ran into the middle of him and Nicole to comfort him. YIKES!

The seriousness of wedding vows and the place of a man and a woman in a marrige was delivered succinctly, completely and seriously by the pastor and I have to say that it was one of the most meaningfully touching exchange of vows I have ever witnessed.

Looking at the beautiful man and woman standing before us was a tribute to God as I knew that they had done all in their power to be truly worthy of the white wedding they were sharing now. They came before God and witnesses 'unspotted' and there was something very moving spiritually about that, and my own spirit leaped in their presence as well. "Well done..." escaped my lips as if in prayer.

It turns out that Joe and Nicole pretty much paid for the whole wedding themselves...so funds were very limited as to what they were going to be able to do, but somehow they had covered all the 'important things' a wedding should have in order to preserve the memories for all posterity.
The large wedding party was formally adorned, and with both Joe and Nicole tall and narrow in stature (along with her brothers and Joe's step brothers) it was quite a presence of youth and hope for the future.

The Reception room was decorated beautifully (probably by the artistic talents of Nicole) and there were some things to munch on there as well as I had been particularly concerned that so many people would travel so far for a mere 'desert and punch' reception they had planned in the beginning.

I'm from the old school of hospitality where big weddings must offer some sort of refreshment to guests other than cake and punch, and as it turned out, for those that had been there all morning...many words of gratitude came my way for our picking up the extra tab to have some veggie plates and cheese and meat dishes on hand as they were starving by then. Nicole's family and family friends worked hard serving everyone and keeping the punch bowl filled and everything nice as well.

A big surprise and a wonderful visual treat came with a photo video that was presented of Joey and Nicole as little babies, little kids, teenagers and through their young adulthood as friends and college students, then engagement and I will forever be grateful to them for including a nice picture of me and both of them we took one Easter in the mix.

It was an acknowledgement of my existence in Joe's life that I was feeling sort of left out of until that time, unfortunately. Joe's best man, Micha also mentioned how he and Joe had been friends since 3rd grade or something like that and how our homes (Sylvia's and Allen's and mine) were like a second home to him as well growing up and that he felt like we were second parents.

I felt somehow vindicated from what I perceived as my complete 'hind tit' parent position through those two generous acts alone.

Joey became my son when he was just seven years old, and he immediately carved his way into my heart as "my son" when I married Allen more than seventeen years ago. I never think of Joe as my 'step-son', so you'll have to forgive me if I don't take the place of 'step-mom' in these things, nor in life, with too much dignity or acceptance.

I also have some understanding for the awkwardness Nicole and her family must have felt as they have been 'forever married' and not used to the protocol nor ins and outs of dealing with their new son who brings with him two families, complete with siblings and nieces and nephews on each end of the spectrum...and each with their own place in Joe's heart.

None of us have to navigate this special 'difference' in most of life as Joe moves from one family to another pretty seamlessly so for the most part there is not a lot of evidence of how much love has been going around for all of us. Now he will have all of 'us' and he will have Nicole's family all vying for their presence on Holidays and celebrations the two of us have learned to share over the years with as much acceptance and understanding as the situation merits, and is possible. We hope that Nicole's family realizes that she has to be 'shared' with us now as well...even though it is not going to be easy for them either. Se La Vi

Especially profound for me was the amount of credit people were actually taking for Joe's recent successful graduation from College at the wedding. I don't look at this in a negative or judgemental way, as it was more of an enlightening as to how many people really are in Joe's corner and rooting for his success in whatever he does.

If not for Sylvia's husband John, Joe would not have been able to qualify for the Veterans payment of his tuition for college, which is no small item in my book. It was John's service in the Military that paved the way for a financial benefit Joe would not have otherwise qualified for and that would have caused hardship on his Mom and Us and Joe as we picked up the tab to see him through.

Another credited Nicole herself for helping Joe see his way through college graduation as a good student, and no doubt her influence on him to do well was significant as she was there day to day to experience with him the ups and downs of starving college life. A good and studious student herself, she definitely would want her man to maintain a GPA worthy of his promise.

John credited his sons for Joey going on through college (instead of himself for footing the tuition part of the cost) and there is also no doubt that his son's own examples as fine young men also proved another good thing for Joe to witness.

Perhaps, it is a good combination of helping hands and hearts and supportive attitudes that helped pave the way for his success...but in the end, the Credit and Accomplishment is all Joey Palmer's to claim in my opinion...no matter how many cheerleaders were in his corner with the old Rah Rah, nor who wrote the checks.

He came into this world destined just an extraordinary type of guy and was to make a mark on this old world of his own creation. He didn't have to slam his own head on a wall to realize that destructive behavior nets no profit, and while all his pals were in a destrictive mode, Joe had the stamina to stay away from drugs and booze and other escapes from the harsh realities of life. He didn't need wonderful examples, he had some bad ones to choose from and they worked just as well, I believe. Joe has been able to separate the wheat from the chaff in all of his relationships sooner or later, which are long and steadfast, and ongoing since he was a wee little one.

He's able to grasp opportunity and with brains, humor and charm...inch his way to his own goals because he is naturally charming and good in spirit and heart. No where near perfect either just like the rest of us walking around earth doing the best we can with this never ending problem solving experience called life on life's terms. No one else can lay claim to the attributes Joe has as evidence that 'they' and not him, are responsible for his success in anything he does.

I'm proud for any good wisdom he has taken along the way from me and many others others and then utilized to achieve his dreams, and I'm thankful to watch his work in process, but to take 'credit' for his success just seems to diminish Joe, and I ain't having none of that.

Nicole could have never dreamed of the laughter and richness he will bring to their lives as the head of their household, as she first saw him in Borders Bookstore lovestruck for the very first time in his life with the young girl his eyes beheld and determined then and there to claim as his own mate through life more than three years ago.

Each person who attends a beginning or an ending milestone of life comes away with certain impressions and experiences and I am sure that mine are quite different than anyone elses...but that is why I have my own blog..to share these things as I see them, warts and all.

All in all, it was a wonderful wedding and it's with significant pride I share it with you. I wish them every good Blessing, and every good thing life has to offer...just as any "Mom" wants for her young.

Congratulations and God's Speed to you both Joe and Nicole. Well done.